We can blame my lack of blogging on what I like to call a sabbatical to find myself. A little background on the past few months of silence. I met a girl and thought she was grand, kinda fell for her and found out firsthand, it went well for a month or two, then it all came unglued. (yes that is almost the lyrics of "She Fucking Hates Me.") Well she said all the right things and did all the right things, told me I was the one and even told her sister I was the one. She told me she was falling in love with me one drunken night. But then she decided we were moving to fast. Me not wanting to lose "the one" agreed and so our relationship became one of gaining friendship and avoiding sexual encounters. Meaning we stopped fucking every day. But that was perfectly fine with me, I was more than willing to put my libido in park to satisfy this girl and become her friend first. However, October 14th rolls around (this just happens to be our 1 month anniversary) and she decides that she doesn't know what she wants and broke up with me to become friends first. Now I was astonished and broken hearted and completely flattened so I did the one thing I could do to get rid of the pain: I drank myself stupid 3 nights in a row. The first two nights we talked and I realized that I was getting nowhere and that we would eventually become nothing. The third night I had sex with another girl. Now this may seem like the most awful thing I could ever do. However, I was heart-broken and crushed and needed someone to be there and take away the pain. Looking back I realize this may have been the biggest mistake I have ever made. But it may have also been sign. Maybe I wasn't supposed to end up with "the one." She has since found someone else and seems to be moving along just fine. We have stopped talking and for the most part completely ignore each other as best as possible. Her friends, who I thought were also my friends have completely given me the cold shoulder and I find myself alone more than ever.
But enough of the sad, depressing stuff. Lets see what I can make of this mess. Broken heart + fucking another girl = no chance of getting back together with ex. This has event has changed my life. First, always be critical of girls. Don't fall head over heels within a month and become a friend before you ever have sex or make anything official. Second, make sex mean something. If you're just fucking to fuck then it will always come back to hurt you. Besides, if it means anything then it is always better. Third, don't push too hard. If something is meant to be then it will be, if not then it won't. As much as you want to you cannot force fate. Everything happens for a reason and no matter how much it hurts it was meant to happen. Fourth, there is always more to life than simply being. Everyone is a part of something more. Your life has, is, and will affect someone else. You cannot change or avoid it.
This blog is extremely long and I apologize however I have needed to say this to myself for a long time and haven't known the words.
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is mysterious." Albert Einstein
"The greatest blunders, like the thickest ropes, are often compounded by a multitude of strands." Victor Hugo
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