News from the Spartan Athletic Desk

The mighty Spartans went to Texas this past week and got royally ass fucked by Texas flamethrowers. We showed up expecting another successful spring trip only to get beat in 12 innings game one 7-6 and slaughtered by the same team day 2 20-7. Fuck us right. Well our spirits were still high even though we lost purely from errors. Texas teams live and die by the fastball but they can mash the shit out of a fastball. Luckily, the might Spartans averaged 5 errors a game and didn't hit anything above 85 mph. We went into day three against a different team again wanting to dominate. We had our ace on the mound and high hopes of a victory. However, the errors continued and the pitching plummeted and we lost 10-7. Day 4 we traveled to the big D and with the change of scenery and surroundings we wanted and needed a victory. C-Mall jumped on the bump and started us out fabulously. We had a 6-3 lead going into the 7th and then yours truly came to take the ball. I finished strong allowing one hit and one run, however they were both in the 7th and it wasn't my run. He was left on base by Mallery. I completed the game for the save and the mighty Spartans came home victorious.

Chapter 5 of the future book:
You can f%$* the fat ones, you can f#@$ the ugly ones, but you cannot f&%* the fat, ugly ones.

And for Sir He Is To Be Named At A Later Point, different area codes and no commitment allows you to have an open and completely fun relationship to the point where you don't hurt yourself. It is like a test drive that allows you to truly see the best sides of both people and you can decide after you gather all necessary information which one is worth you. Best of luck bro.

Chapter 4 and then some

So I know that I was going to give all my faithful readers a point by point crash course in picking up their dream girl, however, after the initial pickup and encounter it is up to you not to be an idiot. I like to think that if you are yourself no matter what you will be much happier and less depressed every time you see your significant other. If you are forced to be someone you are not then bad things will always happen. So talk to her, but be yourself. Don't use words that you don't know the meaning to in order to sound smart. And don't talk like a thug to seem tough. Just be yourself.

On a lighter note. The baseball team got stuck in the mud at IU Southeast today and lost both games, 11-9 and 4-0. Yours truly was the lucky one to acquire the loss of game one. I came in in the clutch in the 4th inning with bases loaded and 1 out. Luckily I got out of that one unscathed after going 3-0 on a batter. The score was 7-4 at that time the mighty spartans were losing. The grenadiers then scored a run in the 5th only to be outmatched by a grand slam by corey oeding the following inning. With the score tied 8-8 yours truly once again went to the mound in the bottom of the 6th to give up a three run homer. This lead to disaster as we went on to lose 11-9. Fuck my life. Spartans are in action tomorrow at 1 o'clock against Marian College.